haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
