thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
