i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
