I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
