Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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