Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
