I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
