Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
