I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
