Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
