Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
