I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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