Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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