u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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