I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
