We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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