There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
BRING THE BAGELS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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