I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
