'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I would fuck him just for his dog
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