Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
