How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
