I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
