i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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