Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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