Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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