Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
