we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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