In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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