I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
