but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
