Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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