Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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