we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
