So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
