You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
