Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
