There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
