we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
