I just made out with a guy for $7.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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