I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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