So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
