Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
