He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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