Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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