My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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