I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
