I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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