If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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