Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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