i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
