So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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