He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize