So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
