Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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