so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
