rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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