Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
