if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
