Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize