I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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