is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Too much gin, very little bucket
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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