i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize