there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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