we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
