You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize