I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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