sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
