batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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