Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
