YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
