oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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