You can't motorboat a personality
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You've changed since you got that strap on
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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