if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
