Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
