everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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