Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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