I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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