living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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