So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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