WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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