Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
