even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
