I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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