I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
