Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize