If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
