I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
