Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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