Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
