I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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