You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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