Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
