You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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