Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
