i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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