when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
