In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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