lets start a swedish sibling band together
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
