Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
