By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
