I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize